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THE WAY IT IS
 
Mother is mad at immigrants
for having cellphones
for having voices
she says
it all should be
of course
better
but everything is the way it is
because it is supposed to be
the way it is.
 
That we should not help by helping
because helping is too cruel
to help is to admit knowledge –
that is
of course
too cruel
and also
[she lifts the pan up]
too dangerous.
 
Mother is mad at immigrants
for thinking they have the right
not to remain silent –
but still
they do.
 
Knowledge is dangerous
and the perception of knowledge is lethal
and of course
[she adds more salt]
being aware of this
would instantly kill you.
 
Just turn away
she tells me and my little sister
[and turns the meat on its other side]
you are supposed to be safe
it is what it is
the way it is supposed to be.
 
[She adds the secret ingredient
with a warm beam across her fond cheeks]
it is important to understand
what you are supposed to understand
and not a sentence more.
 
It all happens the way it does
because that is what it is.
 
The math of consequences.
 
We gather around the table
say a prayer none of us
ever understood
grab the fork and knife safely
and start eating.
 
The Sun still touches my skin
the same way it always did
with the same strenght
the same warmth
in the same garden
with the same safety.
 
And of course the same people
keep strangling me in my dreams.
 
So remember girls
[she carresses both our cheeks]
you are supposed to be safe
let it all be the way it is.
 
My sister’s eyes turn wide
her face lilac
her limbs trembling –
the allergic reaction
to the secret ingredient.
 
Mother is mad at immigrants
for bringing their spices into the country
for bringing their blood into the counrty
their minds
their words
their spirits.
 
She jumps up in panic
yells at me to do something
my sister is drowning
we have to help her.
 
She grabs my arm and I get scared
but I am not supposed to be scared
I am supposed to be safe
I jump up and yell –
no
mother
we cannot be cruel
and I slap the telephone out of her hands
before the hospital could answer.
 
She turns white
slowly puts her head down
looks at my motionless sister
swallows her cruels tears back
then looks away.
 
Mother is not mad anymore
she is indifferent
the world wants me to wear black
mother wants me to forget everything.
 
I am sitting next to my empty plate
the Sun still touching my skin
the way it always had
and of course
the same people
keep strangling me in my dreams.
 
[She lifts the pan up
lets the heart circle around in it
with a sizzling sound]
the world is hungry
knowledge is lethal
and false.
 
It is all happening the way it is
because helping is too cruel.
 
They keep cooking
men and women all around the world
it is all human
to turn away
to refuse knowledge
to refure help and refure to help
because everything is too human
and it all keeps happening
men and women all around the world
keep being swallowed
and the world is still hungry.
 
And it is all the way it is
because no one is allergic to the human heart.
 
 
THE UNKNOWN WEIGHT
 
One day this is
going to be very important.
 
You will feel an unknown
weight on your palms
all of a sudden
without explanation.
 
Maybe it will happen in the market
while you are bargaining about
the price of green apples
or dotted socks
or broken promises.
 
Maybe you will be swimming
somewhere where it is
not allowed to swim
a week after your mother's funeral.
 
Or you will be home
feeding a cat in the window
or ironing a blue shirt
with red and black patterns.
 
It will only be a second.
You won't even be sure it happened.
And it will change nothing.
 
 
URBAN
 
I know that one day
we will be sitting in the
garden of a pub
drinking coffee and beer
and you will say that
you have to pee
but I won't hear that
because I will be preoccupied with
a sentence on the wall
that will be infuriatingly meaningless
and I will be facing the wall
while demanding that you tell me
why this sentence has no meaning
but you will already be gone
when I turn back
and that will be all
because you will never come back
and I will stay there for another
hour or so
then pay the bill
and I will never know
why that sentence had no meaning.